Anthropologie et Chocolat

America's Heartland in Our Backyard

2011-09-18T12:28:00.001-04:00

Grinnell Iowa:

- Population: 9087 - With Grinnell college students.
- Size: Well, you can only imagine. We are located right smack dab in central Iowa.
- Local Attractions: Grinnell College - top ten liberal arts school in the nation. Students major in things like Bioethics and Philosophy or Physics and Anthropology. The cross-country team runs naked, co-ed through the city once a year too. Grinnell College was also lauded with the notorious Huffington Post award for the number one "Hipster Campus" in the nation. Lonnskis: Local pub and restaurant. Perpetually playing Bob Dylan, "Benny and the Jets" and Michael Jackson. 2 Mexican Restaurants: Both are terrible. Nothing much more to say on that. Dari Barn: Yes I did mean to spell it that way. Dairy treats for the general populace. Most popular spot on a Saturday night. Amish, German and Dutch Communities - Just down the lane from Grinnell are loads of little communities and towns of Germans and Dutch. Pella, one of the Dutch communities, is one of the most quaint little towns you will ever visit. Everything is incredibly clean and orderly, typical of the Dutch. One will find excellent pastries made in dutch ovens by little, blonde dutch girls in baby blue hats and aprons. Stop around the corner and pick up fresh smoked meats from the Dutch butcher. We all know Pella windows right? This wealthy community has kept things almost purely Dutch. Amana Colonies - German settlement. Amish - Colona - A huge Amish community producing delicious organic dairy products and dried goods. Just be aware of the rules before you enter the market: Dress modestly before entering. I am constantly checking my shirt in a grocery store? What?
Soy and Corn Fields - I don't think I need to expound on the fact that we are surrounded by soy and corn. Oh yes, and cows. I am still not used to the sickening Methane fumes that these lovely cows produce. I have concluded that cows are NOT cute anymore, at least when the window is open.

This is the place where me and Aaron live, work and breathe. The real defining part of Grinnell is its people. Like any place, the people make the locale unique. Grinnell is unique. Naturally, I will be comparing these native Iowans to Southern peoples. I just want to make that clear.

My first bit of culture shock came when I realized that people were completely baffled by why such a young couple would be residing in Grinnell if they didn't go to Grinnell college. I often feel like an outsider, a visitor who is being "sized up". It seems as if people just know that we don't fit into "Grinnellian" life. I find this liberating and entertaining. My Southern accent likes to put on a little show for the crowd at times, which I am sure is utterly annoying to my fellow Iowans/Iowegians as they are famously called. I just can't help it! Oh and people really like to schedule things here. Perhaps its the industrious nature of Northerners that creates a habit of needing to have schedules in order to hang out with people. I am certainly not used to this. I find myself asking, "why doesn't anyone just pop by for a visit?" It's not in their blood.

Another question I frequently ask here is: "where is the sweet tea?" There is no such thing here. I have grown accustomed to being offered a cold beverage, preferably sweet tea since I don't ever make it for myself. I so look forward to social settings where it is offered. Not in Grinnell.

If you didn't already know, it gets really cold here. I find it hilarious when people complain about how hot or humid it is here. It can get rather warm, but nothing like Tennessee. I actually think that the weather here is perfection. Everyone tells me to just wait for the winter. Aaron and I love snow so we look forward to it. It seems that people here, for the most part, love the cold. I like that part of Grinnell.

This town is small which in effect makes me feel small. This feeling is nice for a change. I miss the hustle and bustle of the larger cities that I am accustomed to. I am now convinced though that everyone should get to live in a town like this for a little while. Grinnell is the heartland. I keep wondering where all of the color is? It's green and white here. Food and white people. I miss so much the racial and ethnic diversity of TN. However, it's quaint, it's quirky and it's our home for now.
More to come.

"Be Careful"

2011-02-28T09:49:00.000-05:00

"Be Careful" by Patty Griffin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5H-uH2qtc7M

All the girls in the Paris night
All the girls in the pale moonlight
All the girls with the shopping bags
All the girls with the washing rags

All the girls on the telephone
All the girls standing all alone
All the girls sitting on the wire
One by one fly into the fire

Be careful how you bend me
Be careful where you send me
Careful how you end me
Be careful with me

All the girls standing by your beds
All the girls standing on their heads
All the girls with the broken arms
All the girls with the deadly charms

All the girls in the restaurant
Pretending to be nonchalant
Funny girls on the TV shows
Close your eyes and they turn to snow

Be careful how you bend me
Be careful where you send me
Careful how you end me
Be careful with me

All the girls working overtime
Telling you everything is fine
All the girls in the beauty shops
Girls' tongues catching the raindrops

All the girls that you'll never see
Forever a mystery
All the girls with their secret ways
All the girls who have gone astray

Be careful how you bend me
Be careful where you send me
Careful how you end me
Be careful with me

Be careful how you bend me
Be careful with me

2010-05-18T00:36:00.000-04:00

Sabrina Fair
by John Milton

SongSweet Echo, sweetest nymph that liv'st unseen
Within thy airy shell
By slow Meander's margent green,
And in the violet-imbroider'd vale
Where the love-lorn nightingale
Nightly to thee her sad song mourneth well:
Canst thou not tell me of a gentle pair
That likest thy Narcissus are?
O if thou have
Hid them in some flow'ry cave,
Tell me but where
Sweet Queen of Parley, Daughter of the Sphere,
So mayst thou be translated to the skies,
And give resounding grace to all heav'ns harmonies.
Song
Sabrina fair
Listen where thou art sitting
Under the glassy, cool, translucent wave,
In twisted braids of lilies knitting
The loose train of thy amber-dropping hair;
Listen for dear honour's sake,
Goddess of the silver lake,
Listen and save.

Listen and appear to us
In name of great Oceanus,
By the earth-shaking Neptune's mace,
And Tethys' grave majestic pace;
By hoary Nereus' wrinkled look,
And the Carpathian wizard's hook;
By scaly Triton's winding shell,
And old soothsaying Glaucus' spell;
By Leucothea's lovely hands,
And her son that rules the strands;
By Thetis' tinsel-slipper'd feet,
And the songs of Sirens sweet;
By dead Parthenope's dear tomb,
And fair Ligea's golden comb,
Wherewith she sits on diamond rocks
Sleeking her soft alluring locks;
By all the nymphs that nightly dance
Upon thy streams with wily glance,
Rise, rise, and heave thy rosy head
From thy coral-pav'n bed,
And bridle in thy headlong wave,
Till thou our summons answer'd have.
Listen and save.
Sabrina rises, attended by water-nymphs, and sings
By the rushy-fringed bank,
Where grows the willow and the osier dank,
My sliding chariot stays,
Thick set with agate, and the azurn sheen
Of turkis blue, and em'rald green
That in the channel strays,
Whilst from off the waters fleet
Thus I set my printless feet
O'er the cowslip's velvet head,
That bends not as I tread;
Gentle swain at thy request
I am here.

To My Mother

2010-05-12T13:42:00.000-04:00

To My Mother

by Wendell Berry

I was your rebellious son,

do you remember? Sometimes

I wonder if you do remember,

so complete has your forgiveness been.

So complete has your forgiveness been

I wonder sometimes if it did not

precede my wrong, and I erred,

safe found, within your love,

prepared ahead of me, the way home,

or my bed at night, so that almost

I should forgive you, who perhaps

foresaw the worst that I might do,

and forgave before I could act,

causing me to smile now, looking back,

to see how paltry was my worst,

compared to your forgiveness of it

already given. And this, then,

is the vision of that Heaven of which

we have heard, where those who love

each other have forgiven each other,

where, for that, the leaves are green,

the light a music in the air,

and all is unentangled,

and all is undismayed.

Mom,

Your unfailing forgiveness

The steadfastness of your own character

And the steadfastness of your efforts in shaping my character

Your strength of heart and mind

While still remaining soft and feminine

A woman that delights in the Lord and in people of all kinds

You've always kept a sense of grace in our home

Many are quick to judge, quick to blame

But the lasting impression of you has been your quickness to forgive

To bring grace to a world that experiences little of it

I want to have pride like you

Like the Avett Brothers say,

"not the kind of pride that turns you bad"

But the kind that gives up selfish ambition

And sees good and isn't afraid to live it

What I can say for myself is that

You, mom, have shaped me

The parts of myself that I like

The times when I get real honest with myself and God

When I struggle and find some remnant of joy to smile about

When I don't take myself so seriously

And I can laugh at my shortcomings

But mostly when I reach out to God

I find you there, encouraging me

To keep pursuing what is good and lovely

Because that's who you are

A lover of beauty

The kind though that doesn't fade with time and age

But one that lasts for all of time

And one that has laid an imprint on my life

Continue in your way, mom

I love you

Natalie

Feel It

2010-02-28T17:57:00.000-05:00

I'd like to touch the tops of the trees
Dive down to the deepest depth of the deepest ocean
Hear a symphony of beautiful sounds I never knew existed
Forgetting my humanity, I want to venture into the unknown

What good things I've never felt
I want to feel them
The rain to wash me on a mountaintop
I want solid souls all around me
A chorus of fairies flickering in the twilight
A drumbeat that I can dance to
Children of my own to laugh about me

I'm gonna run wild and free
I don't care what you think
I don't want to be stopped
Let me be invincible
Hop on one foot if I like
Or paint with chocolate

Get dirty in the mud
Float down a Tennessee river in the heat of the summer
Drink tea with the ladies in Kashmir
Share a story with the King of Morocco
Kiss you in the rain
Cast a spell on the world
Run the finest silk through my fingers
Lie with my ear to the ground for hours
As God speaks in rhythms and beats
Touch your skin in a field of lavender
Drive so fast that I can't see
I'll see magic at every glance

I feel God in the soil in my hands
I see His wonder in the buds of the pussy willow
He is the Master of color
He breathes His life into a world of dying things
He paints His beauty on the face of the moon
His love, it runs its course through my veins
Pulsing energy to go and be
To fall down at His feet in His world
With no fear of pain or death or sadness

For the rest of my days
I'll run with no fear
Through this world
Screaming until my voice is gone
Or He take me home
And I'll shatter all this doubt
With the throbbing tap of my bare feet on His earth

Don't Touch What You Don't Understand

2010-02-28T16:12:00.001-05:00

You wanna touch the sleeve of my blouse?
Is it that difficult to resist my charms?
Or just why don't you pretend that I don't drive you mad?
So what if I'm alluring to you.

You think that my hair looks pretty
I've got soft, white skin
My style is unique, it's dream-like
I brought you to another world
I raise the bar, you say
I'm your little muse
But dear, you've gotten all confused

I won't play the muse
Cause I won't sit for you
A pretty picture just to admire and use
I'm a living, breathing child of God
Created to create
To be loved the way you wanna be loved
It's so damn shallow the way you care for me

Babe, stop all this objectifyin'
It's like you never had a mother
Respect a lady please
If you wanna call yourself a man
Your Ego, it's gotten out of hand
Why don't you take a minute to reflect
On your actions
You know the ones that make us cry

I won't be liked the way you wanna like me
So if that's your deal, no compromise
Well, you keep your hands in your pockets
Cause from now on we are just gonna talk
And you'll lose what you could've had
And I'll have a good laugh

Daily dose of Berry

2010-02-27T09:48:00.000-05:00

"For the care or control of fertility, both that of the earth and that of our bodies, we have allowed a technology of chemicals and devices to replace the entirely cultural means of ceremonial forms, disciplines, and restraints. We have gathered up the immense questions that surround the coming of life into the world and reduced them to simple problems for which we have manufactured and marketed simple solutions. An infertile woman and an infertile field both receive a dose of chemicals, at the calculated risk of undesirable consequences, and are thus equally reduced to the status of productive machines. As for unwanted life–sperm, ova, embryos, weeds, insects, etc.–we have the same sort of remedies, for sale, of course, and characteristically popularized by advertisements that speak much of advantages but little of problems… That is only a new battle in the old war between body and soul–as if we were living in front of a chorus of the most literal fanatics chanting: ‘If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out! If thy right hand offend thee, cut it off!"

Wendell Berry’

A Kiss That's Hidden at the Corner of Her Mouth

2010-02-21T19:13:00.000-05:00

She dreams in blues and golds
Waiting for the one who will steal
What she has concealed at the corner of her mouth
Maybe she's met him, maybe she hasn't
And maybe she never will
But her secret, oh that you will never know
And she will never tell
For you must feel it to know it
It rests, ever-so alluring on that rosy mouth

Maybe her lips have been kissed
But she has not given anyone the Kiss
What she holds in that corner
Well, you cannot possibly imagine
The magic, the delight when she chooses
The one
And she will choose with intention and purpose
And he will choose her
This Kiss is not for the faint of heart

If you steal it
It may raise you up to the divine
Or it may take you back home
But what is certain
Is the beauty that will follow
When he finds the Kiss that's hidden at the corner of her mouth

And some call her scared and some call her cold-hearted
For keeping such a secret for so long
But if you look closely she is sure
The Kiss is surely there, living, vibrant, willing
Tempting many
But allowing not a one
Beware, you may want it so bad it will drive you wild
But only she knows who deserves it

She sleeps with the window cracked
Maybe one night the wind will blow him in
To steal the Kiss and they will steal away into the black night
She dreams in blues and golds, waiting, saving it all
She dreams of you

Clickety Clack

2010-02-14T10:58:00.002-05:00

"I'll twirl my little skirt
And it'll be my shoes instead of yours
My shoes instead of yours
My shoes screaming back
Click clack clickity click click click"

Made to Love Magic

2010-01-14T09:56:00.000-05:00

Made To Love Magic :

I was born to love no one
No one to love me
Only the wind in the long green grass
The frost in a broken tree.

I was made to love magic
All its wonder to know
But you all lost that magic
Many many years ago.

I was born to use my eyes
Dream with the sun and the skies
To float away in a lifelong song
In the mist where melody flies.

I was made to love magic...

I was born to sail away
Into a land of forever
Not to be tied to an old stone grave
In your land of never.

I was made to love magic. ..

Nick Drake

2010-01-08T09:38:00.002-05:00

It's very cold and I have to get on to work

If You Go Away

2010-01-08T09:36:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite songs to date:

If you go away
On this summer's day
Then you might as well
Take the sun away
All the birds that flew
In the summer sky
When our love was new
And our hearts were high
And the day was young
And the nights were long
And the moon stood still
For the night bird's song

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

But if you stay
I'll make you a day
Like no day has been
Or will be again
We'll sail on the sun
We'll ride on the rain
And talk to the trees
And worship the wind

But if you go
I'll understand
Leave me just enough love
To fill up my hand

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

If you go away
As I know you will
You must tell the world
To stop turning
'til you return again
If you ever do
For what good is love
Without loving you?
Can I tell you now
As you turn to go
I'll be dying slowly
'til the next hello

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

But if you stay
I'll make you a night
Like no night has been
Or will be again
I'll sail on your smile
I'll ride on your touch
I'll talk to your eyes
That I love so much

But if you go
I won't cry
Though the good is gone
From the word goodbye

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

If you go away
As I know you must
There is nothing left
In this world to trust
Just an empty room
Full of empty space
Like the empty look
I see on your face
And I'd been the shadow
Of your shadow
If you might have kept me
By your side

If you go away

Emiliana Torrini

# 9

2010-01-03T23:28:00.000-05:00

What a magnificent piece of heartache this has all become
When are you going to stop setting on fire what's already been put out?
She feels like someone's been plotting her demise
Moon, won't you stop shining like that when he's on her mind?
December night, why does you wind smell of the sea?
So warm, intoxicating

This must be some cosmic trick she thought to herself
Every time she feels she's winning you
She's just losing you again
Since she's been lovin' you
You've been makin' springtime in the winter
You've caught her heart and her head's lost
And do you believe her when she says she'd do it all again?
Just because you didn't believe her
Doesn't mean she didn't mean it
If you'd just hold still a minute
Stop your runnin' out the back door
She'd quit trippin' on your actions

She wants you, you're the one
Yeah, I've see it in her eyes
You're the one

Le Chocolat et La Vie

2009-11-09T16:37:00.002-05:00

Chocolate. I am working at The Cocoa Tree in Nashville, and life is delicious. People love to romanticize the idea of chocolate. When I tell friends that I am working at an artisan chocolate shop, they seem to think that it's some exquisitely enjoyable job. I say to that, "well, yes it is." I love to see people pick up a piece of chocolate or confection and exclaim with delight how right the flavor is.

Every day, I get to embark on a new culinary adventure, inciting my own palate to discover new tastes and engaging my creativity, which I so often neglect. I never thought too much about how directly food affects and is affected by culture. I have recently found myself indulging in the history, language and life of what we put in our mouths. For me, it's not about knowledge so much as it is about the experience of food. Food is art, it is life, it is culture. My little job doesn't seem so small when I think of it this way. Everyday, I get to be a part of someone's joy.

When I lived in France, I finally understood why the French take food so seriously. I was in Lyon, eating a traditional French meal with all of the courses and wine. I don't know how well I can explain it, but I was so completely satisfied. I realized that the timing, temperature, accents and mood of the entire meal were created with care and precision. French restaurant owners care about their product and the people they are serving, never neglecting the experience as a whole. The meal is not rushed, but drawn out. The attention to detail produces a masterpiece, with the right wine and the right cheese, the right meat with the right vegetable.

This satisfaction found in a five course meal or a tiny truffle, engages our senses much like the other pleasures in life. I am drawn to the Maker when I participate in these pleasures. If we can create goodness with our hands for others and ourselves to enjoy, maybe we can make that same goodness in our hearts. God is near when I delight in His world as He intended. And I am convinced that He intended us to make beauty; to make chocolate and cook filet mignon and to eat it and enjoy Him and others through it all.

A Natural Kind of Love

2009-11-03T08:53:00.000-05:00

"Oh there's somethin' pure and simple about those stars above
And it'll be the same for me
If I can find that natural kind of love"

Peace of Mind, Mindy Smith

2009-10-14T00:20:00.000-04:00

I need peace of mind
and a hopeful heart
to lose this rage
and move out of the dark
I ain't looking for rainbows
or shooting stars
just some peace of mind
and a hopeful heart

I need a peace of mind
and a lullaby
cause theres an angry voice
in my head tonight
tellin' me to do things
that can't be right
I need peace of mind
and a lullaby

and a miracle
for this broken soul
a little miracle
for this broken soul

I need peace of mind
and gentle hand
as I try to change
the way I am
and God forgives me
when I can't
I need peace of mind
and a gentle hand

or a miracle
for this broken soul
a little miracle
for this broken soul

I need peace of mind
and a hopeful heart

What You Want, Baby I Got It

2009-10-08T23:58:00.002-04:00

Here's the deal friends. I want you all to try cupcakes by two sisters. Those sisters being Emily and I.
I simply cannot consume all of this butter and sugar on my own! I'm afraid that I prefer a pastime of reading Harry Potter or something of the like as opposed to strenuous exercise, so I have to find a way to give these delights a new palate to please. A proper debut would be all of you! I will post a list of treats and you let me know if you want to sample. I need good, honest "nays or yays" so find the food critic within. Give me a reason to perfect; and try some of our desserts!

p.s. And for all of you who have cut out sugar from your diet, shame on you!(Unless you are diabetic) There's a whole, wide wonderful world of confections just waiting to be enjoyed.

A Little Family Secret

2009-10-01T17:06:00.003-04:00

Emily made our family, sugar cookies from our Italian, great- grandma Lina. My mom has used this recipe since I can remember for all sorts of occasions, but mainly Christmas. We have these every year for Christmas, as they are delicious and perfect for decorating. The dough is just as good as the cookie. I have a hard time describing these cookies to anyone because they are not airy or intensely sweet like classic sugar cookies; they are dense and buttery. Often mom puts an Anise icing on them which is really nice, but this time Em did a sort of egg white icing that sets beautifully. I like them plain! Everyone should experience these at least once in your life.

Taste a Piece of Fall

2009-10-01T16:03:00.003-04:00

I have never been much of a pie connoisseur, but it is really quite fun making pies. An apple pie is especially appropriate on a crisp Fall evening. Partner it with a smooth latte and a blanket on the porch, and relish in the Autumnal bliss!

I made this pie crust with butter and shortening, creating a flaky, yet shortbread-esque crust. Mixing pink lady apples and granny smith balanced the sugar just to perfection. I complain when pies are too sweet to eat. I tried out some little, Fall cookie cutters that I just couldn't resist at the store. I just cut little leaves for the crust. It was fun, but I don't know how well anyone can tell they are leaves. Speaking of leaves, go kick some around and listen to them crunch...Fall is finally here!

More Cakes in a Cup

2009-10-01T15:48:00.000-04:00

If Ms. Fitzgerald Only Knew How Good She Sounds with Pie

2009-09-29T23:50:00.001-04:00

Classic Chocolat with Vanilla Icing
Decorated by Emma

My sister Emma and I have been enjoying the kitchen a lot lately. We sing along with Frank, Ella and Sammy Davis while we bake. Now that the beloved Fall has set in, baking is ten times more delightful than ever before. I am in love with a lot things this time of year: food, drink, sitting on the porch wrapped in a blanket, book in hand. Oh what a world this world would be if it were Autumn every day!

So, on a more serious note, as one may have noticed, I have issues committing to one thing for very long it seems. Prime example, my blog. I promised to blog about my adventures every day and I have yet to see that happen. See? Even now, I am using the passive voice! My life has been a bit "thrown together" lately.
I don't have much to do except wait around for something to happen. I mean, I always have "things" I am doing; I'm never bored, but I guess I am holding out for magic. You know, when the fairy swoops in and spreads the dust all over me and I find out what I want to do with my life. Well, I realize I have been tragically misinformed. Okay, maybe I misinformed myself. This figuring out your life stuff takes work and lots of it. So does baking.
I thought that I would never want to stop baking, at least not after the first few weeks, but it gets tiring. I am usually great up until the part where I have to make the icing, or wash dishes or cool the cake or something.
So, I come to yet another life lesson. I hate doing the dirty work, but it's necessary. Everyone has to do work and lots of it in order to make things happen. I intend then to work HARD!

Bon Iver

2009-09-25T00:29:00.000-04:00

This my excavation and today is kumran
Everything that happens is from now on
This is pouring rain
This is paralyzed

I keep throwing it down two-hundred at a time
It's hard to find it when you knew it
When your money's gone
And you're drunk as hell

On your back with your racks as the stacks as your load
In the back and the racks and the stacks are your load
In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load

I've twisting to the sun I needed to replace
The fountain in the front yard is rusted out
All my love was down
In a frozen ground

There's a black crow sitting across from me; his wiry legs are crossed
And he's dangling my keys he even fakes a toss
Whatever could it be
That has brought me to this loss?

On your back with your racks as the stacks as your load
In the back and the racks and the stacks of your load
In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load

This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization
It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away
Your love will be
Safe with me

My monthly quote

2009-09-24T13:27:00.000-04:00

Nothing can resist a will which will stake even existence upon its fulfillment.

- Benjamin Disraeli

Tres Leche

2009-09-10T19:58:00.000-04:00

Tres Leche Cupcakes with Fresh Whipped Cream Cinnamon

Dessert 2: Cardamom Palmiers

2009-09-06T01:30:00.008-04:00

I made Cardamom Palmiers today. The cardamom was an interesting replacement for something like cinnamon or nutmeg, I suppose. It was a good kind of interesting. This flaky, cookie-like pastry was my first and last French pastry during my time living in France. That's right folks, NOT a croissant, but a palmier. I love them.

The dough was very tricky as I really wasn't supposed to touch it much. I messed up when it came time to slice the palmiers. I read the directions wrong about three times. Finally, by the fourth try, I got it right. Cut one-inch apart and then cut each inch into thirds. Don't you think that's a roundabout way to say cut one third of an inch apart? Anyway, the lesson for today was to walk away from the cookbook for a few minutes when you just aren't getting it. Maybe I'm just an imbecile!

Dessert 1

2009-09-04T13:58:00.009-04:00

Twice-baked Shortbread

This is my first recipe. I made the dough, composed mainly of butter and flour and of course, a bit of vanilla, and then just pressed it into a pan and let it set for two hours. This is the trick to shortbread. Let it sit for two hours or overnight before baking to enhance the flavor and texture that makes this simple treat so wonderful. I will be twice-baking it before I return from my awful, dreadful, no good, lab work I have to get done. I am having surgery Tuesday and I have to get my blood drawn today. I figured that if I left the baking for after I get back from this unhappy outing then I will have a reason to come back to life. You, see I HATE, no LOATHE having my blood taken. I pass out, cry, pass out again, cry a little more, well you get the point. I make a complete fool/baby out of myself and there's no fixing it. So, for the first time, I am going to be active about overcoming this fear. I will focus only on making it back home to my shortbread which will need to be stuffed into the oven promptly upon my arrival home,. So I must not throw up on the side of the road or do anymore of this nonsense. I am making shortbread! I'll let you know how it turns out.......

Okay so, here's the shortbread. I made it back from the doctor in one piece, despite my ghostly white skin which seemed to summon a lot of sympathy in the bank teller and the office lady at the hospital. But, success was had today and I triumphed! This shortbread calls the hearts of all my fellow butter lovers to mange! I like it as a mid-afternoon treat with a cup of PG Tips tea and milk...English style!

Le Dessert et Moi!

2009-09-04T13:38:00.008-04:00

So after seeing the film, Julie and Julia, I started to consider my own culinary interests. I thought about how much I love baking, something like the thrill I get when the crust of a chocolate Ganache torte crumbles just right. It's the one place in my life where I get to obsess over precision and perfection and get rewarded for it. I know this is completely unoriginal now that the film is out, but I am taking Julie and Julia's example and striking out on a delicious adventure. I am going to bake my way through Alice Medrich's, Pure Dessert. I will teach myself the basics of baking and share the details with you all...whoever that may be. Like Julie, I lack the ability to finish all of the millions of projects I start. I am hoping for a lesson in creation and completion; to prove that I can be disciplined and enjoy using my hands to make something delicious and definitely to make some messes. So here we go!

Pictured: Mocha Cupcakes with Vanilla Meringue Cream

Good Song, Watch and Listen

2009-08-31T17:26:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amwVyRH2B8A

"I don't Know What I Can Save You From"

2009-08-31T17:16:00.001-04:00

"I Don't Know What I can Save You From"
You called me after midnight,
it must have been three years since we last spoke.
I slowly tried to bring back
the image of your face from the memories so old.
I tried so hard to follow,
but didn't catch a half of what had gone wrong,
said "I don't know what I can save you from. "
I don't know what I can save you from.
I asked you to come over,
and within half an hour,
you were at my door.
I had never really known you,
but I realized that the one you were before,
had changed into somebody for whom
I wouldn't mind to put the kettle on.
Still I don't know what I can save you from.
I don't know what I can save you from.

Kings of Convenience

A Bit of Color

2009-08-21T23:50:00.003-04:00

Gray
Gray
Where is a red
A green
Something with color
Vibrancy
Expression?
Is it lost in the shadows of something grim or tragic
or hidden beneath the hum-drum of the day's distractions?
A candle blown out before the moment is right
A cloudy night when you wanna see the stars
Shine color!
Show your light.
I want bold, unabashed beauty before my eyes
So I can know what to touch and feel
What it's like to stare in awe, almost blinded
by something so real, so unafraid to stand out
I want to see greens and reds today
No grays

What I think could potentially help me sleep better at night

2009-08-11T23:34:00.000-04:00

“When despair for the world grows in me, and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be -- I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought or grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.”

Wendell Berry

Aslan, the kind of king I'll follow

2009-08-10T12:38:00.002-04:00

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver…”Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

“’but you mustn’t press him, after all, he’s not a tame lion.’ ‘No, but he is good.’”

The God of the universe isn't a tame, weak god, he is a lion. I keep going back to these books my dad read to me as a little girl. Lewis picked an animal of the highest respect, power and strength. He is not safe or tame, but he is good!

I'll Never Let Go Of Your Hand

2009-08-10T12:29:00.003-04:00

I know what you've been hearing
I've seen you hide your fear
Embarrassed by your weaknesses
Afraid to let me near
I wish you knew how much
I long for you to understand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand

I know you've been forsaken
By all you've known before
When you failed their expectations
They frowned and closed the door
But even though your heart itself
Should lose the will to stand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand

The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with my Spirit, Blood and Word
The everlasting Father
Has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard

So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I've planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand

~Don Francisco

Oooh Feist!!

2009-06-23T11:21:00.001-04:00

"Let It Die"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ob1CdTLDj10&NR=1

Let it die and get out of my mind
We don't see eye to eye
Or hear ear to ear

Don't you wish that we could forget that kiss
And see this for what it is
That we're not in love

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

It was hard to tell just how I felt
To not recognize myself
I started to fade away

And after all it won't take long to fall in love
Now I know what I don't want
I learned that with you

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

2009-06-14T17:31:00.003-04:00

I dreamed of you last night
Lying next to me in green
Cheek on cold, wet blades
Beads of diamonds lining your forehead

Swift is the wind that changes minds
Fickle is the storm that turns emotion
Catch a lightning bug
You always let it go

Sing to me of your thoughts
but don't let on what you're thinking
Cuz I don't wanna know
That you would rather go

See a world where I don't exist
A place where people don't make complex
Things that aren't to begin with
Summertime all the time, livin's easy

Days in winter don't turn cold
Cuz people don't let them
Open doors, open souls
No room, no time for keeping clothed

What we know or feel
Mountains folding free, strong, bold
We could all be like that
if we wanted

Saffron moon not afraid to be
What it was created for
So we can stare in awe
I wanna stand in awe of you

You in green
Being what you were created to be

Reservations

2009-06-11T12:47:00.001-04:00

How can I convince you it's me I don't like
And not be so indifferent to the look in your eyes
When I've always been distant
And I've always told lies for love

I'm bound by these choices so hard to make
I'm bound by the feeling so easy to fake
None of this is real enough to take me from you

Oh I've got reservations
About so many things
But not about you

I know this isn't what you were wanting me to say
How can I get closer and be further away
From the truth that proves it's beautiful to lie

I've got reservations
About so many things
But not about you
I've reservations
About so many things
But not about you
Not about you
Not about you
Not about you
It's not about you

Wilco

Natural Light, Naturally Disgusting

2009-06-04T19:49:00.002-04:00

Why do people like eating and drinking stuff that tastes disgusting? You know like cheetos or watered-down beer. It's beyond me to understand.

"The Way of Ignorance"

2009-06-04T11:51:00.006-04:00

"There are several kinds of ignorance that are not inherent in our nature but come instead from weaknesses of character. Paramount among these is the willful ignorance that refuses to honor as knowledge anything not subject to empirical proof. We could just as well call it materialist ignorance. This ignorance rejects useful knowledge such as traditions of imagination and religion, and so it comes across as narrow-mindedness. We have the materialist culture that afflicts us now because a world exclusively material is the kind of world most readily used and abused by the kind of mind the materialists think they have. To this kind of mind, there is no longer a legitimate wonder. Wonder has been replaced by a research agenda, which is still a world away from demonstrating the impropriety of wonder. The materialist conservationists need to tell us how a materialist culture can justify its contempt and destructiveness of material goods."
~Wendell Berry

And so after reading this, I conclude my wondering about what I know and don't know. I resign myself to being daily overwhelmed by the wonder and mystery that surrounds me; and the ginormous(for lack of a better word) amount of stuff that I will never figure out or get to experience. Berry says at the end, "of course, the way of ignorance is the way of faith". Everything in life deserves wonder, and so I will have faith that this is enough to know and be a part of. He says to accept the "wisdom of humility". This is a novel idea for me, but I see the freedom and brilliancy in this approach to life and knowledge of things.

Tonight I Met the Light

2009-06-01T02:02:00.007-04:00

Tonight I met the light
Unrelenting, persistent did it burn
It's brilliance flushed crimson my pallid face
Suffusing virility into a barren labyrinth
Blazing through the succulent twilight
Conceiving essence, force, potency amidst sterility

Tonight I met the light
It's warmth dancing on a head of curls
Sweet, honeyed phosphorescence
Twinkling in a pair of virginal eyes
A sailing kite, string held fast in that little hand
With a will to set free when the time is right

Tonight I met the light
Purging the midnight of its blackness
Illumined crescent dripping Grace from its hem
Every scar immersed in the deluge
Transposing markings on a page into a chorus
Soul unleashed to live but fettered to love

Dylan Just Makes It Make Sense

2009-05-22T15:04:00.001-04:00

Like A Rolling Stone

Once upon a time you dressed so fine
You threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you?
People'd call, say, "Beware doll, you're bound to fall"
You thought they were all kiddin' you
You used to laugh about
Everybody that was hangin' out
Now you don't talk so loud
Now you don't seem so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next meal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

You've gone to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely
But you know you only used to get juiced in it
And nobody has ever taught you how to live on the street
And now you find out you're gonna have to get used to it
You said you'd never compromise
With the mystery tramp, but now you realize
He's not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And ask him do you want to make a deal?

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

You never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns
When they all come down and did tricks for you
You never understood that it ain't no good
You shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you
You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat
Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat
Ain't it hard when you discover that
He really wasn't where it's at
After he took from you everything he could steal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people
They're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
Exchanging all kinds of precious gifts and things
But you'd better lift your diamond ring, you'd better pawn it babe
You used to be so amused
At Napoleon in rags and the language that he used
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse
When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

2009-05-11T23:51:00.008-04:00

The Artist, brush in hand painting His strokes
Vibrant and fluid

A perfect watercolor, a Monet
Each whist of the hand bringing forth life and light
The detail, exquisite but with a purpose beyond its parts
The night clouds suffocate, inviting confusion and chaos
This night is crisp as Autumn, grand strokes, impasto-like
Lungs fill with breath for the first time
A life once dead, now rhythmically sketched into the Masterpiece
Color in every crack of the canvas, the sky slick as oil
The Artist ravishing her soul with pure pigment, rich and penetrating
The Creator joining the meaning of her life to His craft

A piece inspired by a piece

2009-04-15T15:56:00.004-04:00

Runnin' from what's chasin' me
Hopin' to appear as a phantom to what's real, what's right
Disappearin' from those I know and don't
No promises just lies
the same ones been chasin' me for a while
Thought I killed em but I just got around em
Looks like the bramble finally got a hold
pullin' me down
no more runnin'
just crawlin', eatin' dirt
like runnin' through molasses
a field of flowers whose petals are broken glass
tearin' me apart

Propriety

2009-04-10T14:36:00.002-04:00

I would like to be perceived in this way:

"Instead of being restrained by a sense of propriety, it is a sense of propriety which inspires my actions"
Marie de Lafayette
Princesse de Cleves

"Murder in the City"

2009-04-10T10:06:00.003-04:00

The Avett Brothers

If I get murdered in the city
Don’t go revengin in my name
One person dead from such is plenty
No need to go get locked away

When I leave your arms
The things that I think of
No need to get over ??
I’m comin home

I wonder which brother is better
Which one our parents love the most
I sure did get in lots of trouble
They said to let the other go

A tear fell from my father’s eyes
I wondered what my dad would say
He said I love you
And I’m proud of you both, in so many different ways

If I get murdered in the city
Go read the letter in my desk
Don’t worry with all my belongings
But pay attention to the list

Make sure my sister knows I loved her
Make sure my mother knows the same
Always remember, there is nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name
Always remember, there is nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name

Le Style

2009-04-06T18:26:00.004-04:00

I love Gwyneth Paltrow's chic outfit in this photo. These colors are timeless and flattering. I adore the riding boots with tights and the short dress. I love the simplicity, yet sheer brilliance and quality of each piece she wears. Bravo Gwyneth!
The second photo is something I love to wear. The cardigan with the little dress and belt is just the right balance of casual and sleek. ooh la la.

Clothing is a pretty essential part of my life. I know that this sounds incredibly superficial, but I mean that for me it is an expression of how I feel. I absolutely believe that clothing is art. It takes me just about as much time to put on an outfit like this as it does a pair of jeans and T-shirt, but you just have to get good at it. I like to see how other people dress as well. The colors, cuts, and small intricacies on people's clothes are exhilarating. Again, detail captures my attention and so clothes, like food, are yet another example of the creative process from something simple to something distinguished, a thing of beauty.

Le Style

2009-04-06T18:19:00.004-04:00

La Cuisine

2009-04-06T15:44:00.013-04:00

Training the palate is a very difficult thing to do in America where even our bread form the grocery is chocked full of sugar and preservatives. Since we were kids, most of us have been eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Oreos and chips; and I am not so sure that we have grown out of these cravings. The key to obtaining a "refined" palate is not so much about eating expensive meals or going completely organic, whatever that means, it is about the ability to desire things that taste good in their simplest form. Working from that form and creating deliciousness without adding too much to the fundamental ingredient. The so-called art of cooking emerges from this idea that one can take something like a goose liver and make Fois Gras. Chocolate loses its rich, distinct flavor as more milk and sugar are added to it. Milk chocolate tastes good because we have trained our palate to enjoy the sugar and not what is hidden beneath the mounds of granules: the cacao bean. The beauty in a piece of 70-85% dark chocolate is the subtlety of flavors. The robust cacao zings the taste buds with its sharpness, then finishes with a smooth, delicate sweetness that lingers in the mouth, balancing perfectly the different notes like a melody with a good harmony. The harmony, in this case the sugar, must be subtle in order to enhance the performance. The variation in flavor is crucial just like in a good wine, producing a flavor that intrigues yet satisfies. The chocolate tells a story. A good way to check if something is truly good is if you can describe out loud the flavor.

Just as important as the food telling a story in your mouth is the process of preparation. We can fully enjoy the food when we are a part of the process. Whether it be growing the ingredients, preparing the actual meal or just partaking in the result. The complete joy derives from being a part of all three, but we can't expect always to get to do this.

http://www.revver.com/video/392085/compliments-of-the-farmer-local-cuisine-at-blue-hill-restaurant-in-manhattan/

New Romantic

2009-01-22T18:15:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNxar07_9YA
Yes.

Lyrics

I know I said I love you but I'm thinking I was wrong,
I'm the first to admit that I'm still pretty young,
And I never meant to hurt you when I wrote you ten love songs.

That guy that I could never get, 'cause his girlfriend was pretty fit,
And everyone who knew her loved her so.
And I made you leave her for me and now I'm feeling pretty mean,
But my mind has f***** me over more times than any man could ever know.

Maybe I should give up, give in,
Give up trying to be thin,
Give up and turn into my mother,
God knows I love her.

And I'm sorry to whichever man should meet my sorry state,
Watch my sturdy, lonesome gate and beware,
I will never love a man 'cause love and pain go hand in hand,
And I can't do it,
Again.

So we stayed up late one night to try and get our problems right,
But I couldn't get into his head just what was going through my mind.
And I think he knew where I was going 'cause he put Ryan Adams on,
'cause I think he thinks it makes me weak, but it only ever makes me strong.

I've got this friend who sounds just like him,
Now he's the man I leave you for, the man that I just adore,
Like you.
The same man, he turns to me, he said "I've got to tell you how I feel,
If God could make the perfect girl, for me it would be you,
And my God told me not to tell about how much do you love your fella?"
I don't know more everyday,
Not in this new romantic way.

I'll always be your first love,
You'll always be my first love.

And I'm sorry to whichever man should meet my sorry state,
Watch my sturdy, lonesome gate and beware,
That I will never love a man 'cause I could never hurt a man in this way.
I will never love a man 'cause I could never hurt a man,
Not in this new romantic way.

2009-01-15T17:16:00.000-05:00

I am alive. I am working on a few pieces that I want to post soon. School - "a quick succession of busy nothings", life - a joyous concert of all those seemingly busy nothings that somehow impress an overwhelming sense of meaning on my small life. "In His presence is fullness of joy"...this is what I know and feel this week.

Nocturne

2008-11-09T12:27:00.000-05:00

I am listening to Chopin's Nocturnes tonight and staring out of my window at the clouds moving past the moon. The ring around the moon, dazzling, incandescent, yet shadowed by a sheet of silver silk sweeping across it's face. I find myself searching for it's light to luminesce through the pane once again, but it's light pales behind the milky curtain of fog.
We long for beauty, we search tirelessly for it. It often escapes our notice. I fail to recognize the sheer exquisiteness of the moon until it stares me in the face and demands my full attention. I can't help but be entranced. I see a pattern in my life of ignorance and even self-deception to the things which are truly beautiful around me. If I am honest with myself, at my very core, I long for those things which are most pure. This is far more alluring than the cheap substitutes to which I readily give myself over.
Tonight I am falling asleep to Chopin's bewitching melody. The clair de lune dancing through my curtain, reminding me of the beauty that God created for us and in us. It's tune is resonant, demanding an acknowledgment of a Master of beauty creating beyond what any human can even dare to imagine.

"Why American Women Get Fat in France"

2008-10-27T11:42:00.000-04:00

Today I thought about starting a book, "Why American Women Do Get Fat in France". Well, I don't deserve the term "fat" quite yet, but I am definitely not losing any pounds while in the land of carbs. I think sometimes that God designed women with some sort of freak compulsion for sweets and/or bread. Why else would there be all these diets for women cutting out all carbs and desserts. To me, this is torture. I love a good pastry and I adore well-made desserts. Luckily, I am very picky about what kinds of sweets go into my mouth because the experience has to be all worth it. This habit of mine works well for me in the States because my dessert choice is thus, limited. If the dessert is not divine enough to give my palate exactly what it deserves, I will not eat it. Ah, but in France, almost every dessert or pastry is fresh, delicious and totally worthy of consumption. I am still in awe of the amount of dolce delights one can find in France. The book, "French Women Don't Get Fat" is all well and good for French women and even American women, but what the author does not prepare you for is your trip as an American girl to France.

I have never dieted and I never want to. I agree with Mireille Guiliano, author of FWDGF, on all of her points in her book. However, I have had to seriously watch the consumption here. Butter, butter, bread and butter, is all I see here. I mean Nantes has great seafood, so I enjoy that, but every time I go to buy a sandwich, I get a whole baguette with butter and mayonaise on it. Sick!! So, just a warning...I think it's a conspiracy by the French government to make foreigners fat. I seriously doubt that the millions of skinny French women I see who parade the streets of France ever touch an almond croissant smothered in butter and melted sugar. Maybe they just eat one bite, but how hard is that!!

Jack Daniels

2008-10-27T11:30:00.000-04:00

I never thought I would feel so at home with Jack Daniels. I reassure you that what I am about to say is completely innocent, so don't get yourself all in a tissy. Having one of my fits of missing home/ friends/the South, etc, today I was comforted by a billboard of Jack Daniels whiskey. There is a giant distillery, I believe, near Chattanooga, and well Tennessee unfortunately is known solely for Jack Daniels in Nantes. It's hilarious to me that a large number of people here automatically assume that I drink Jack Daniels like water. In fact, I can imagine the stuff tastes disgusting! I hate whiskey for drinking, but I take comfort in its alterior benefits for me. So, today I learned two things from good ole JD: refrain from making grandiose assumptions about regions, states or countries because often you look like a fool. And two, reminders of home can come from some of the least expected places. Cheers for Jack Daniels!

2008-10-26T04:57:00.000-04:00

I like this picture of marriage/relationships. I feel like it's hard to find really poignant, Christian lyrics, but Bebo Norman really speaks truth here.

"A page is turned by the wind to a boy in curly grin
With a world to conquer at the age of ten
But as history unfolds and the storybook is told
He finds salvation but not at the hands of man

And the God of second chance
Picked him up and He let him dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, preparing him, the one
To hold him up when he comes undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And now a man, here you stand
Your day has come

A page is turned in this world to reveal a little girl
With a heart that's bigger, as it is unfurled
By the language in her soul, that's teaching her to grow
With a careful cover of love that will not fail

And the God of second chance
Picked her up and He let her dance
Through a world that isn't kind
And all this time, preparing her the one
To hold her up when she comes undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And grown up tall, here you are
Your day has come

Beneath the air of autumn, she took him by his hand
And warm within the ardor, she took his heart instead
And high upon the mountain, he asked her for her hand
Just for her hand

A page is turned in this life, he's making her his wife
And there is no secret to the source of this much life
When the grace that falls like rain is washing them again
Just a chance to somehow rise above this land

Where the God of second chance
Will pick them up and he'll let them dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, they're sharing with the one
That holds them up when they come undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And once again, here you stand
And once again, here you stand
Your day has come"

2008-10-25T18:14:00.000-04:00

In my oral comprehension/production class on Friday, we discussed what characteristics make up the "ideal" man or woman. It was hilarious. There are only two boys in my class. The dynamic is already entertaining because we have Mexicans, Brazilians, Russians, Japanese, Chinese, Koreans, Americans, Ghanaians all in one class. There were a lot of differing opinions. But controversy arose when the two boys Ferdinando, my Brazilian friend, and a Chinese guy whom I have never heard say a word, made their ideal woman practically a Step ford wife. They went on and on about how she would do the cooking and cleaning and that she would be "pas trop intelligente"(not too intelligent). Of course, cries of disapproval from the ladies erupted. I think they were joking but they never said anything about it being a joke. At least our teacher got a good laugh.

Running for the Tram

2008-10-23T08:55:00.000-04:00

A typical day for me in Nantes consists of me running for the tram(I mean sprinting, and no, it's not very romantic), being confused or amused(usually both) in class, and then dinner and sleep. It's not as glorious as one would imagine France to be, but it's interesting in it's own way. I confess that I imagined my time here to be very different than it turned out to be. I over-imagine, over-romanticize, and over- analyze quite a bit. France did not end up fitting into my preconceived notions, but it actually ended up being better than I could have imagined. I have surprised myself with my ability to adjust, even to the point of comfort. Each day here poses a new challenge, but it's different than the challenges I face at home. There is a lot of self-discovery going on lately. I have actual time to reflect here. At home, my pace of life is much faster, and I don't have to be as aware. I have to think about what goes out of my mouth and into my ear, twice as hard as I do at home.
I am surrounded by so many different cultures, religions, languages. It is exhausting at times just because everyone comes from so many different places. But I LOVE it!

Even going to the grocery store poses a challenge. I don't have a car, so I have to fit everything in a small bag, which means I have to make several trips to the grocery throughout the week. I haven't had ice since August, there is no such thing as real iced tea here, no clean restrooms, etc. Convenience-wise, the U.S. wins out. However, France has some unique and lovely qualities that my country does not. Almost every store is closed on Sunday; everyone takes off for lunch; I have not had one single bad cup of coffee(and I drink a lot of coffee); public transportation is cheap and absolutely convenient(not to mention environmentally friendly!). Life moves at a much slower pace here. You would be hard pressed to find food to go, unless you want a Kebab. You sit and enjoy. It's all about pleasure here. And I cannot fail to mention the ART! Oh my, the wealth of art here is just enough to make someone want to spend decades in a place like this.

A Korean friend of mine, Ju A, brought a photo to show in our art class a few days ago. She had fabricated a shot of a cactus on the street in Nantes. She set her little plant on the ground and took a picture of some French people walking alongside it. I laughed a little and then our professor said, "does this symbolize that the French are a bit prickly?"(except it was in French). We all laughed. No, I honestly find all of the French friends and teachers, cafe owners and shopkeepers to be very friendly and open. My favorite cafe here is St. Nicholas. They have the best coffee and hot chocolate in the world. I love taking advantage of the gorgeous autumn weather by either walking around the hippodrome or sitting outside at a cafe all bundled up in a scarf and jacket, coffee in hand and favorite book.

A favorite activity here in Nantes is going to dance clubs or disco-teques. I had fun going but it isn't my favorite thing. Mainly because a lot of the people there cannot dance at all, but it was at least entertaining and safe. The night-life is very big here. You can go out late for crepes, or dp the club thing. I prefer the crepes and conversation. That's just me!

I realize that I will probably never have an experience like this one again. I have so much free time to explore. I have to really take advantage. I am going to Milan, Verona, and Venice for the Toussaint holiday next week. On week-ends following, I am off to Dublin, Paris( a few times), Belgium, South France, Barcelona, Lux. I am so blessed and I know I will have many more good stories to tell! So until then...

"In your head"

2008-10-18T07:18:00.000-04:00

Watch this: I have always loved listening to the Cranberries, but I never watched the video of "Zombie"...interesting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJEySrDerj0

An October Walk in Nantes

2008-10-08T03:10:00.000-04:00

My eyes, refusing to blink, afraid to miss one moment of the amber and ruby,
Burning images and feelings of the past, present and future,
Heightening every sense in my body,
The lively, October air whistling through the trees and playing with my hair,
Dancing across my skin
The leaves in their full glory, crisp and bright, fall in slow motion, it doesn't feel real,
Change is the song they sing, rhapsodic, mellow, sonorous...
My love affair with Autumn in Nantes

How I Dearly Love to Laugh!

2008-09-30T18:41:00.001-04:00

Today, I was reminded of how important laughter is for the soul. I had two French classes today and everyone just seemed to be in such a silly mood. In our first class, we talked about the institution of marriage in France. Naturally, we proceeded to discuss homosexuality in France. Level 4, which is my level of French here, does not possess the most eloquent of French speakers. Most of us like talking, but it is more likely that we will be misunderstood rather than understood. So, we end up having some pretty entertaining discussions. For example, today, one of the girls from Russia, who is particularly loquacious, suggested that a good age to marry is 18. She went on and on about how "it is necessary" to marry at this age. Our French teacher was a little shocked, but this was nothing in comparison to the next comment. A guy from China piped up during our discussion and said that he liked transvestites. What he meant to ask was, "what is a transvestite?" Our professeur got a kick out of that one. So many things get lost in translation. I really couldn't prevent laughter from this point on. I ended up spending the rest of the day laughing at myself and admittedly at others. It just struck me today for some reason, how hilarious and at the same time, how awesome it is to hear a roomful of different accents struggling to speak French. I love it!

2008-09-26T16:16:00.000-04:00

A community is the mental and spiritual condition of knowing that the place is shared, and that the people who share the place define and limit the possibilities of each other's lives. It is the knowledge that people have of each other, their concern for each other, their trust in each other, the freedom with which they come and go among themselves.

"The Loss of the Future" Wendell Berry

I love sharing place with people. I like to know the people whom I live near. I want to know that people I trust are in my business. I like how Wendell Berry explains community. We know each other, we learn to care for one another because we know. When someone shows genuine concern for me, I know I can trust him or her. When trust is in place, there is a liberty to move around within the community. C.S. Lewis speaks of friendship as "imminently spiritual." I like this. I have so many close, close friendships because they are profoundly spiritual. I believe that trust, in any relationship, is the most important thing. If you trust your friend, or your spouse, it's because you love them. You love people and you let them be who they are. Community is a bountiful feast. There's always room for more; in fact, it is necessary to bring in more. Just like in a garden, variety is a necessity to produce good crop. The unconditional nature of friendship is so liberating.

Confessions of My Ethnocentric Self

2008-09-24T19:27:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you have to get away from a place in order to understand why you value it. This week, I felt the full force of wanting things to go the way they do “back home” in the states. I wanted a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks, a real pillow to sleep on, a man to act like a gentleman even if it’s all pretense, tap water, a store to be open after 18:00, space, grass, oh yes and a real taco. My ethnocentricity has made a grand entrance this week, but is leaving the party soon I hope. I am not so frustrated as I am distracted. Fortunately, I like so many things here that it overrides the bad aspects. I don’t miss home too badly, I just miss getting to talk to my family and friends. Home means so much to me. I love traveling and visiting new and beautiful places, but I can't help but love knowing that I will always get to "go home". I have had the opportunity to realize how much I prefer where I come from. There are many delights here that make me "ooh and ahh" but it's not home.

However, the days seem to fly by here, so there is not a lot of time to be homesick. There is so much to see that I can barely fit it all in. I almost have every single week-end booked! I feel like I am on a perpetual vacation, apart from stressful class. Every day I see something beautiful I have never seen before. I can’t imagine growing up in a place like France where almost everything aesthetically appeals to your senses.

This week-end, Miranda, Katie and I went to Angers and Rennes. Well, Katie came with us to Rennes and Miranda and I went to Angers today. Rennes is about one and a half hours away and Angers is about half an hour away. All the museums were free this week-end because it was some kind of patrimony week-end. I got to see loads of art at the two Musees des Beaux Arts; walk through the Palais du Parliament of Bretagne; eat baguette and croissant; and just bum around in yet another stunning French city. I happened upon a Monet and a Peter Paul-Rubens while in the Musee des Beaux Arts in Angers. That was cool. The Bretagne region of France is a pretty distinct region of France. The people seem to be a bit more hearty and outgoing than in Nantes. This is a generalization but I think there is some kind of Germanic, Gaelic, I don’t know, influence. I will have to bone up on some history I guess. Angers was gorgeous. Old chateaus and cathedrals were the highlights of the day trip.

It’s a bit more difficult language-wise at present because there are now tons of Americans swarming the residence where I live. I can speak English whenever I want. Often I want to just because it’s easy, so I have to force myself rather than be forced, to speak French. People on the streets here love to practice their English as well so it makes things difficult. I actually have been complemented a bit on my French this week, which I find hilarious, but I take what I can get. I think it’s the sheer fact that they know I am an English-speaker and they are pleased that I am trying. I like this about Nantes. The people here are very helpful with foreigners. I think there is a tendency with English speakers as compared to say, Spanish speakers, to be shy about saying things in French. We tend to be a bit more afraid of making mistakes. I am surprisingly not very afraid to speak on the streets, I just have a hard time in class when it comes to discussing movies or art. I don’t have a large enough vocabulary yet. I comprehend so much more than I ever did before. It's absolutely incredible how the force and necessity of communication, creates knowledge. Human beings love to express themselves. The best way to learn a language is to be forced to act upon your desire to express your feelings. Human beings love talking. We do it so well in every culture. I find that I want to be included in the discussions, jokes and small-talk here, so I am driven to understand as much as possible.

Restroom Etiquette

2008-09-18T10:50:00.001-04:00

Today,
I went to the bathroom or the "WC" and I came out of my stall to find my male French professor going to the same restroom. I completely blushed. Men and women use the same restroom here. I cracked up after I left and told my American friends what happened! This is my week for feeling the cultural differences strongly. I have had a somewhat frustrating week, but it is beginning to pass. The best thing I have done for myself here is just to laugh a lot.

Class and Other Adventures of Sorts

2008-09-18T10:50:00.000-04:00

Update on this past week-end. I survived my first week of classes so I was pretty exhausted by Friday. Miranda and I went to visit Paul, our crazy French friend. We ended up sitting in his room for hours only speaking French. This was a hard night for me because I had just had five and a half hours of French classes that day and I was exhausted. Paul’s friend Donauld dropped by and sat and talked as well. They are both so nice and patient with me. Donauld especially goes out of his way to help me and listen to my broken French. We ended up planning to go with Donald to his soccer game on Sunday. I was so tired by the end of that night and a little emotional from all of the French. It was good though because I am now moving out of the stage of being shocked and overwhelmed by only hearing French. Even though I don’t understand a lot, it doesn’t make me feel very frustrated. I try and grasp the main points and I forget the details. So, we went to a French film, “Comme Les Autres”, the next day, and it was great. It was nice just to sit and learn some vocabulary; and it ended up being a very interesting movie.

That night, Miranda and I went out to meet the British girls, and we ended up picking up a bit of an entourage before we left. Three French boys in our dorm decided they wanted to come along so we let them. We knew one of them from earlier and he was nice, but the other two were not so nice. They were just rude to us in that they kept laughing at our French and trying to speak English. This is very frustrating and disheartening when trying to learn a new language. After that night, we decided to be very choosy about which French boys to grace with our company.
The next day, Donald and his sister picked us up for the futbol festivities. This was my first ride in a car with a French driver. I had my reservations. The French are generally bad drivers. This is a true statement. Anyways, Donald is originally from Cameroon. We ended up going to his sister’s house for a bit, which was shocking seeing that one rarely gets invited into a French home. Ha! I defied the norm. We then went to a fete at a big park where Donald made us a traditional meal from Cameroon. Yum! Then we headed to his futbol game. He scored two goals, one for each of us I guess. I think he was pretty proud to have two girls watching his soccer game. It was just a great day. I got to practice a ton of French with Donald, his little nieces and nephews, etc.

We have been going to the cinema often because it’s very inexpensive and helpful. However, I have only seen one good film so far. The other two were ridiculous. In fact, the last one Miranda, Paul and I watched was “La Possibilite d’une Ile”. I kid not when I say that when the credits rolled, everyone laughed. The movie made no sense AT ALL.

Things are settling down here. I finally have finished all of the little details that were so consuming and I can now breathe; oh and learn French. My success in French is manic. I don’t know any other way to explain it. One day, I understand almost everything said to me in class or on the street; but the next day I blank on the simplest question. I laugh at myself ALL THE TIME. I say words and phrases wrong all the time. I even accidentally say bad things on occasion and that gives everyone a good laugh. I find it so refreshing to laugh at myself and move along. This way I don’t take my mistakes seriously; because how can I? I am speaking like a seven year old child! This deserves a good laugh. My writing class is my favorite because I know what is going on. All of the other classes I take are pretty confusing. In my art class, I don’t understand any of the vocabulary used so it’s hard for me to grasp what is being said. In my oral comprehension and speaking class, I am fairly lost but can at least conjure up some kind of sense of understanding during the lesson. In my cinema class, I, of course, get what’s going on in the films but the vocabulary is pretty new to me in this class as well.

Today I freaked out a bit to my professor. She really just read my face because my sentences were not making much sense, but basically I was trying to tell her that I was placed in the wrong level. There are people in my class who have been living in France for one or two years and they speak really, really well. I have a Romanian friend, Andrea, who lives with a French guy and can speak fluent French, but we are in the same level. This makes no sense to me. My professor explained to me that those who can speak well, cannot write and understand the grammar that I grasp. She told me just to relax and realize that the whole point of me being in this level is to challenge and improve the skills I am lacking. So, through some laughter and some tears, I was reassured to stay in my level. Consequently, I had two friends afterwards really encourage me to keep trying. My Bulgarian friend, who speaks four languages, told me that he can barely understand the dictations in class. This was a relief because he talks the most and seems to be the most confident out of everyone. He was encouraging and told me just to practice speaking as much as possible. He looks just like the Bulgarian, Victor Krum, from Harry Potter. It’s really weird.

I have made so many friends, it’s really difficult to keep up with all of them. For instance, today on campus, I was trying to work, but five of my friends walked by and stopped to talk. Then I made a new friend, Gladys from Ecuador, and she stayed and talked for a long time. So, I don’t’ get much work done on campus. If I don’t get much better at French, I will be content just having the experience of meeting so many people from so many different cultures. It is absolutely incredible. The diversity I am living in is fascinating. I get to learn so much about other cultures, but actually even more about my own through this experience. I think I have made way too many plans with people, but somehow I will manage!

Jumping into a bit of French culture, my friend and I were talking today about dress here. The women here are surprisingly modest on the whole. Compared to the U.S., there seems to be a lot less skin shown in public. From what my French friends have told me, the French don’t show off the body so much in public, but they are very comfortable with sexuality. This is obvious in the film, advertisements, etc. I am really confused by this. Promiscuity, casual sex and especially public display of affection seem to be the norm, but dress here is much less provocative. I guess it can be subtly provocative. Anyways, I just got to thinking about the typical American female and her dress. It’s perfectly normal for her to be scantily clad, but it does not directly mean that she is easy. Here, it seems to imply something much more direct. Moral of the story for me: never wear shorts in France.
I started running, ballet and salsa. I think some of us are going to a salsa club to dance on Thursday, woo hoo! This week-end, we are trying to make it to the beach before it’s completely freezing. We are planning to go near St. Nazaire, to Mont St. Michel. There is a stunning chateau here and a gorgeous beach we want to see. The days fly by, so Miranda and I are planning our week-ends in advance so that we don’t lose track.

The nights and days are so beautiful here. It has been so clear and crisp outside. I can see the moon at night so clearly from my window. During the day, I have been noticing the trees changing colors. I still can’t get over how nice the weather is.

Oh yes, the tramway. I wanted to talk about this because it’s such a brilliant idea. Nantes is a big city, so they have a genius transportation system. It took me a few days to get used to, but now I am completely comfortable with the tram. It is a bus that runs on a few different lines all throughout the city. It is just like a subway, but above ground. So, you don’t have to go underground to get to places, making it a safer and much lovelier ride. I heart the tram, and I think every city should have one.

As for now, I am aching to go to Paris, even though there is still so, so much to see here.

I am Changing

2008-09-10T06:08:00.000-04:00

“Je suis tres fatigue. Je suis tres fatigue.” This is all I am saying in French right now. I am very tired. I just want to sit down for a few minutes and cry, but I have no where to do that. I went to the bathroom at the Eurostar in London before departing to France, but I couldn’t get a good cry out. I guess I don’t really need that kind of catharsis, but really I just need to sleep in a room by myself. My body aches from rushing luggage onto this train and that one, but I feel strong, capable, willing to take risks and therefore make mistakes. This is a FIRST for me. I never go into anything I do with this mindset. I always plan to avoid mistakes and often therefore evade risk altogether. Typically if there is a chance that I will fall down or mess something up, I will do everything in my power to escape the situation. As much as I thought that I like feeling safe and in control, I am realizing oddly that I like this feeling of the unknown. There is such a greater sense of triumph when you try something difficult, without knowing what the end will be like. It’s exhilarating! I feel like I am just a wisp of something being tossed about in the air. I have direction and goals, but I have no idea what the means are to the end. I am putting over-planning under-foot and I am facing challenges on the fly! One simply cannot dwell on failures and mishaps when traveling. I am learning to move on from things optimistically and sensibly because it is necessary especially when having to take complete care of yourself. I thought I was independent at UT Chattanooga, and to a certain extent I was, but this is so much more challenging. When I am upset, I can’t complain to my dear friends. When I am hungry, I have to go find something to eat instead of food being so accessible. When I want to just talk to someone, I have to speak in another language or ask if he or she speaks Anglais. I have met new friends and people along the way while in the UK, but no one is going with me. I can’t call so and so to come to the grocery with me, or to ride the train with me or to find a hostel or hotel with me, I have to figure it out myself. The thing about this being “independent” ideal is that one is never truly independent. We all depend, whether Christian or non-Christian, on something to help us through. This might be God, a friend, a bottle of wine, etc. What I am finding is that there is nothing that can replace the absolute security I feel when I relinquish all control to God and give dependence to Him. I have been shocked at the amount of times, just in two weeks, that God has made my way safe and good. But I shouldn’t be shocked. I am calling out to the Lord for strength in my time of need and He is answering me in His way. I couldn’t have asked for a better lesson to learn. I have been struggling with fear without knowing it for a long time. I am always afraid of what will happen next and how I can make sure I know the outcome so that it’s not so frightening. This summer was my dénouement of sorts in this story. I have been living in dependency on anything I could find available, any ready ear to hear my problems, any savior to rescue and stand with me, but these have all been cheap impressions because I have had the order all wrong. This summer, I was out of options. I couldn’t extract any more help from anyone; and I couldn’t give any advice either. I thrive on giving advice, and I think I am good at it. But I have been so lost in my own selfishness that I couldn’t say anything worth saying anymore. It was one of the strangest things I have ever experienced for I always have something to say. I value highly, opinions, and those who have them and who take a stand for them. But I couldn’t figure out where all of my words had gone. It’s like I had nothing good to say the whole summer. I think I know what God was up to now. He silenced me. When all my words, hopes, and “escapes” failed me, I had no other option but to look to the Lord. God makes it so easy for us to turn to Him. We can call His name anytime, anywhere. I wonder what is wrong with me so often when I struggle to get others’ help, attention and advice, and the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent Father is waiting in continuous grace and love for His flighty, unfaithful child.
I have always had an adventurous side to me that gets buried under loads of carefulness, restraint and ultimately fear. It’s not that I have ever really been afraid of doing crazy things, I like that part; it’s that I always try and imagine the outcome. Usually, I expect the outcome to be grim and unprofitable so I suppress the desire and move to safer ground. It took something as simple as taking flight, literally, to get me off of the ground. I am starting to really see what Chesterton means when he talks about how “unsafe” and perilous Christianity is! It’s not about perfection, it’s about risk. Being able to suck it up and say okay, life’s unpredictable, but God is not. Safety and rest can be found in no other place, but in His hand. When I fall asleep at night, I feel the most displaced. I am typically sleeping somewhere I am unfamiliar with. I have a very strong sense of place. I love travel, but I feel deep gravity toward home. So, naturally, at night I have always felt like I am in unsafe oblivion. I imagine that I am curled up in the palm of God, sleeping in a place so close to home; that my anxiety is gone and I rest well. I know it’s a bit strange but the mental picture give me solace.

I don’t want to get so far ahead of myself in thinking that I am changing when in fact I am still just as apt to control my life, instead of letting God control it. However, I feel a desire to relinquish hold on my life in a way that I have never experienced. Oddly, I am more productive, less judgmental and way more adventurous!

I am about to arrive in Lille. I have no idea if I can find a train ticket to Nantes. I haven’t cried yet and I somehow have some miraculous strength though I have had no sleep! Life has never been so full as it is now just because my heart is in the right place. “This journey is my own” as Sara Groves so wisely sings. I believe it; I want my dear family and friends, but these are satisfying only when I trust and love God above all else.

Specifics

2008-09-10T05:53:00.000-04:00

Nothing much else interesting to tell except that no one believes me, until I open my mouth, that I am American. I guess I am a complete European poser, but everyone I have met either thinks I am French or British. This is a fun game. Also, whenever Miranda and I go out into Nantes, we get a ridiculous amount of stares, mainly from creepy men, I think because we carry backpacks like foreigners and Miranda has very blonde hair and I wear sunglasses. We have already had a fair few, misfortunate accosts from gentlemen, so I have resolved to stop smiling altogether.

Life is good here. I feel spoiled beyond all measure; I wish I could bring all of my dear ones with me. I know that I will grow immensely after and during all of this. I am so thankful for my parents who helped me get everything together for this trip. I don’t deserve this, but the Lord has blessed each of my steps. For now, I can’t wait for class to commence.

After getting settled in, filling out millions of French papers and running around town doing errands in a city I didn’t know at all, we decided to do something fun. After being pretty exhausted from my two weeks in the UK and then immediately being thrown into all things French, I crashed in my room for two days. Saturday, Miranda and I explored Nantes. We went downtown to all of the stores and sights there. Then we ran into a big group of British girls whom we had met earlier. They are SO much fun! They invited us to go out that night and so we met up with them at the tram that night. It was raining of course, but we still ventured out. We went to an adorable Italian restaurant in the centre-ville. After feasting, we made friends with the owner who was this sweet Italian man who gave us bottles of free wine and champagne. Everyone goes to bars here. It’s a lot different than at home. It’s very safe for the most part. I know it sounds sketchy, but it has been just another place to speak French for us. It was getting late, the Frenchmen were getting out of hand, so Miranda and I left. We don’t do the whole “going out” thing so we head home early if we even go out. On our ride back, we met more French boys who wanted to speak English and we simply refused! Do to our resilience, we caught the attention of a French student who only spoke French to us. So George is one of our new, favorite friends.

We went out the next day to see Les Machines d’Iles. This is a touristy thing to do, but it is awesome. There is this museum with all of these machines and also a giant elephant that you can ride around the town. Nantes is just beautiful with the Loire River and the sun shining on the boats passing by the café. We had a lovely day. We did have a guy come up to our table and try and sell himself to us for one euro; that was a bit of a shocker. Some people are very, very strange here. But you just have to move past it. On a good note, a man asked Miranda and I on the tram if we wanted to tutor his daughter in English while we are here. So this was good because we might get some extra cash and some more French practice.

Everyone asks me about the food. Yes, the food for the most part is delicious. Wine, cheese and bread galore! The wine and cheese is super inexpensive. It’s so different from home. One can get brie and camembert for just about 2 euros. A local, good bottle of wine is just as cheap as water. There are about four university restaurants here. We eat an entire meal, salad, entrée and dessert for 2.80. The food is very good. I am a bit of a snob when it comes to food so believe me, it’s an incredible deal. There is a lot of fish served here because of the location of Nantes so I am happy that I like fish. I am trying a different pastry every time I go to a patisserie/boulangerie. I love the coffee. I am learning to wean myself off of all the sugar and milk and I take a tiny but of sugar with my coffee. I drink hot tea with milk at night. The chocolateries here are incredible as well. We have tried all sorts of chocolates we didn’t know existed here. Yum, yum!

Many people stare here. There is not a lot of reserve in this area. It makes me feel self-conscious, but I am learning to get over it. In the US, when you catch someone looking at you, he or she tends to divert the eyes immediately. Oh no, not here. No shame. The pace of life here is very different. People take breaks during the day. They shop in the middle of the day. Everyone takes time to sit and enjoy. You are hard-pressed to find anywhere that will give you a coffee to go. I like this, though it takes some getting used to. There is a lot of freedom in the French way of doing things. They kind of cut you loose as a student and let you ask questions and figure things out. There are about a million different ways of getting one thing accomplished. Students are pampered in the US in that we get things done for us either by the system or our parents. The French let you take the reigns administratively. This is daunting, but liberating. There are quite a few grey areas.

Most everyone here has been extremely helpful and accommodating. People say the French are snobs, but I find this entirely false from my small experience. Everyone here is generous with their time and help. They don’t seem to mind my butchering their language. This has been a pleasant surprise. I feel my French digressing at this point already because I have spent a lot of time meeting other students who either speak English as a first language or speak English as a second language. I am ready to start classes so that I will be forced to listen, speak and write in French.

Snoop Dog is coming to Nantes. I just thought I would say this because it sounded hilarious to me.

I am taking ballet and salsa four times a week here. They have an awesome sports program here. I am so excited to get to do all of this dancing. I think it will be a good release and a great way to burn the extra calories I obtain from frequenting the patisserie! My skin has been breaking out pretty badly, which is a bummer. I don’t know that my nutrition is very good here. I need to work on that. In addition to my mandatory course work, I am taking Cinema and Art Discussion. I can’t wait!

Our new friend Paul is taking us out for dinner and French this week-end. Then, on Saturday, it’s French movie night with the British girls!

I know this is a lot of boring information. Right now, it's all my brain can think to write. Feelings and emotions will hopefully flood back soon.

First Days

2008-09-10T05:48:00.000-04:00

As I stepped off of the Eurostar train from London to Lille, the reality of my immersion hit me like a ton of bricks. From this point on, I realized that I actually was going to have to speak French if I wanted to eat, sleep, or enroll in school. I took it one step at a time, beginning in the train station. I started with asking someone the time, then I proceeded to order some breakfast; ask directions and then for the big finale, hail a taxi to my hotel. I managed these small tasks in French on my own, but I had no idea how the next day was going to work itself out. After I woke up the next morning, I realized that I had not heard a word of English for two days except for the seven or eight minutes that I talked on the phone with my mom. This was a very strange feeling. That morning, I felt completely incapable of even taking a step outside my door. I thought, “well, Natalie, you can just go back home now, you’ve had fun, but this is not going to work.” Well, going home was not a real option, I tried crying; not a tear, so I set out to meet up with a Canadian friend I met on facebook who was coming to Nantes through my study abroad program. I waited at the train station looking for a blonde Canadian for two hours and still no sign. Of course I knew there had to be a glitch in this little brilliant plan I cooked up because no American can really function without a cell phone. I have already grown accustomed to being “disconnected” from cell phones, internet, etc., so this mishap was just a result of poor planning. It turned out that I was inside while she was outside, and she went inside to page me en francais while I went outside to look for her. As I was about to take a taxi and leave, I saw a seemingly lost blonde girl with way too much luggage. We were both ecstatic to see each other for fear that we might have both just jumped back on a plane across the Atlantic if the other had not shown up.

This first day was a catastrophe in that we were handed a million different documents with instructions from the fastest speaking French women in the country. Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but when you are exhausted from dragging loads of luggage with weak arms like I have and at this point a pretty weak brain, you don’t want to have to do all of this. I felt like possibly what a baby would feel like if he or she could comprehend and remember what it was like not to be able to walk, but to have this driving force pushing and forcing you to survive. The city was brand new and Miranda and I had to make our way to bureaus, poste offices, and banks just so we could sleep somewhere that night; and yes, every single bit of it was in French.

The next day, I woke up feeling ten times better. Miranda and I had to go out to take care of more forms and such and then go take our placement test. Of course I am thinking, why in the world do we have to take a test the day after arriving; it’s a bit much. So we walk into this giant room filled with students and faculty at the front speaking French and handing out tests. I didn’t panic though. I started to feel this overwhelming sense of peace and ease about communicating in French. I was excited to take the test for some odd reason. Well, necessity is indeed the mother of invention, and I began to feel this idea play out in my own situation. I knew I had to understand directions, so I listened as closely as possible and I started to understand tons more than I thought I would. It’s strange; it’s as if you somehow understand words and their meanings even though you know for certain that you have never learned them in your life. I feel this ungovernable force compelling me to understand better, speak more, and take chances with the language. I knew logically that I didn’t possess the necessary skills for moving through all of these administration hoola-hoops in French. And I mean EVERYTHING was in French. Somehow though, I was able to understand and communicate, far surpassing my expectation. This is why I think that when people say they are no good at languages, they just don’t know that it’s ten times more difficult to be in a classroom than immersed and taught by force. If I want to survive here, I have to speak and listen in French. I opened a bank account already in complete French; this was interesting! I described a coat design to a sales person in French; and I got into level four, big surprise, in my French program!

I meet so many people here who speak three and four languages without any problem, so this puts my challenge in a new light. I am not being stretched that much. Right now, I am not stressed, which is completely shocking seeing that there are times when I fail miserably at getting my point across and there is just awkward silence that ensues. However, I am so excited to see myself improve. I also am just enjoying the pastries, cheese, bread, wine, coffee(all very inexpensive compared to everything else) and even the typical smelly French streets. No, it’s not all out of a dream, but for the most part everything is super! It is very rainy and chilly in Nantes. Nantes is right near the coast in a region called the Loire-Atlantic. They make incredible white wines, Muscadet, here in the valley. It is also a grand chateau/castle region. I have been pretty wet and cold here, but it is nice. There is always a break in the clouds and you can go out with a wool coat on or just a scarf, long sleeves and pants…whatever you wish! I think I understand why everyone here is so fashionable. It’s because they get to wear clothes without sweating all the way through until November. Autumn starts in September for sure, and it is going to be absolutely gorgeous, I just know. So, I adore the weather in Nantes.

2008-08-27T17:33:00.000-04:00

Okay. okay, I am somewhat recanting what I said about bad fashion here. There are a lot of very interestingly, well-dressed people, but I am confused by the unbelievable amount of wool coats I saw parading the streets today in Bath. I saw many, many women in wool jackets and boots with tights. This is just breaking all kinds of seasonal fashion rules! It is an abomination to wear wool in August! Admittedly, it did not get above 65 degrees f today. It is Autumn already here, but I was fine in my cotton blazer and jeans. I even donned the scarf as I love to do, but come on. Boots, stockings, scarf and coat or wool in August?? I hope that the French have more sense. The styles are very distinct here; kind of dark, very edgy and a bit "emo" for my taste, but life indeed is tres posh here when it comes to clothes.

UK Fashion

2008-08-26T20:19:00.000-04:00

Surprisingly, not many people here have good fashion sense. It's really strange. There are some, but most people obviously try very hard and to no avail. Maybe I am just partial to French fashion, but almost everyone I have seen on the streets dresses up, but it looks sloppy. I mean, the amount of leather boots I witnessed with these knee-high stockings paired with a skirt and scarf was frankly just not working at all. Very urban, without the chic. Just a comment, feel free to disagree.

Warwick and A Little Bath

2008-08-26T18:48:00.000-04:00

After I left Pippa's house, which was no fun, I got on a train, well a few trains, to go see the town of Warwick. I really didn't know how I was going to get around with my huge backpack, but I thought I would just figure out as I went along. I really impressed myself with my ability to get on the right trains. I say this because I typically am completely and utterly directionally challenged, but train traveling is obviously made for me. I have gotten on a ridiculous amount of trains and have not made one mistake. I had to change trains three times to get to Warwick, so that was a bit exhausting. When I finally arrived in Warwick, I had no idea where I was to put my bags so that I could tour the city. I ended up walking all the way into town and finally finding a hotel in the middle of the city. At this point, it had been almost an hour with what felt like an old man being carried on my back and I was exhausted. So, I went in and asked for a room and the guy actually gave me a really big discount on the room. So with grandpa off my back, a swanky hotel room in the middle of Warwick and a moment's respite, I was good to go. I just toured around the entire day. Took pictures, read and had a coffee and scone, ate by myself at a delicious Thai restaurant. I got a little lonely after eating out; I have never really done that before. As I got back to my hotel room, I began to feel the loneliness of not having anyone to talk to or to share all of the grand sights I had seen that day. It felt strange staying alone in a hotel room, but I cheered up eventually! I opened my window because it is actually Autumn here, no joke; and just enjoyed instead of being annoyed by the solitude.

The next day, I checked out and prepared to make the long trek back to the train station. This time, I strapped everything much better to myself. On the way up, a man shouted at me from across the street, "Well, Love! That backpack is as big as you are! You going to make it all right?" We both just laughed and I retorted, "just as long as the wind keeps from blowing, I'll be fine." I made it, and continued on to Bath with three train changes. I am a pro at this point. The scenery from the windows was particularly beautiful. It must be where they film all the Jane Austen BBC movies, or at least some of them. I love listening to music on the train, whether it is Nick drake for the morning, David Gray for the stormy afternoon, or Kanye West when I am feeling bold and need to break all the seriousness. I get lots of reading done as well.

Well, I finally got to Bath and was delighted to meet Mrs. Mary Porter at the station. How incredible is this. Okay, so Mary Miller recommended this Bed and Breakfast in Bath. She adores the owners and the place. The couple, first of all, comes and picks me up from the station. I just can't understand why God has lavished so many blessings on me this week! We pull up to the manor, and yes I said manor, and it was like someone punched me in the chest. I couldn't breathe when I saw the house and the hills surrounding. John and Mary Porter are an older, incredibly vivacious and kind couple. I am going to get a picture of them because they are just precious. John is tall and thin with this incredible white hair that's perfectly messy. He looks like an Oxford professor and she is round and sweet as pie. We chatted over a cup and tea and a biscuit. Then I headed out to explore their gardens and then the canals. I kept ooohing and ahhhing out loud. It would have been quite embarassin' if someone had been with me, but I couldn't help it. I have never seen a garden with so many things growing in such fullness at once. The variety and use of space was a sight to behold. After my recontrer with Peter Rabbit in the abundant garden, I headed for the canal. I was just tripping down the lane enraptured by the landscape. What makes this kind of landscape so beautiful to me is that everything is so delightfully uneven. One minute, you are up high, and the next you are in a valley. I chatted with people boating along the canal as I walked. It is Autumn here, at least everyday feels exactly how Fall should feel.

We had a superb dinner together, straight from their garden. I love living so close to the earth! This is, I know, how Wendell Berry lives. Some friends popped in for coffee and rhubarb crumble, c'est delicieuse! I was chatting with Mr. Porter all about rowing and he was so happy to find a kindred spirit in the sport. He loves rowing and we just talked and talked all about it. He is going to take me down to see where he rows tomorrow. We ended up watching his recording of the olympic rowing from a few days ago. Tomorrow, Mr. John is dropping me off in town to spend the day seeing everything from the Roman baths, to the Jane Austen Centre. I am blessed beyond measure with all of these wonderful people. It's so nice, kind of strange, jumping from one place to the other. Everything is so different. One day I am in the countryside, the next day I am in London! I am here until Thursday and then I head to London. Ciao for now!

Birmingham, Pippa's home.

2008-08-24T05:21:00.000-04:00

Leaving Swansea was bittersweet. I knew that after Friday I couldn't depend on any more motherly affection to keep my spirits high. Mrs. Mary and Mr. Rick were so sweet to me and I felt so at ease being there with them and their friends. I got to meet so many lovely people. We went to a cream tea in the city center with Jo, a friend of Mary's who is about my age. She was so vibrant and fun to be around, and she had this phenomenal Welsh accent that sounds like one is singing a song. They lift the ends of their words up very melodiously; and it sounds a bit Scottish or something. The cream tea was great; little scones(scons) as they say, with cream and sandwiches. SO cute! We walked on the beach and went into town.
That night, Mrs. Mary got the idea to go out for coffee, music to my ears, in Mumbles. Mumbles is a posh sort of vacation spot( what isn't in Swansea?) in Swansea. It is Catherine Zeta Jones' hometown! Mary, Bernie, and I went to Verdi's cafe overlooking the sea. Tres belle! I had the best latte of my life. It was Irish Cream and it put all of the lattes I have made and consumed to shame!

Oh man, I forgot to mention Trivial Pursuit night. The Lifelink church in Swansea was having a get together one night at a friend's house and so we went. It was just Mary, Jon and myself. The owners of the house were hilarious, just adorable people. Mr. John, the owner, kept trying to get me to "fatten up" so he would put pieces of food on my plate and say, "oh dear girl, nothing is going to be said for you if you don't fatten up a bit!" I laughed pretty hard. Okay, so there were a lot of young people there and they are all really loud and well, British or Welsh. I loved it. During the game, everyone was yelling, being uber-competitive, and just really getting into it. Mrs. Mary and I got a little frustrated because there were a lot of answers that all of these smart kids knew and we didn't until we came to find out that it was a British version. We were relieved that it was not expected for an American to know where some obscure river meets in some obscure town in Britain. It was a great night. The Millers just made everyday a delight. I couldn't have been happier.

So, I left Swansea on Friday after getting some fish and chips( I had to have these by the sea ONLY) and famous Welsh ice cream. I got on the train to Birmingham New Street and got off about two hours later. From here, I stayed with Pippa Rimmer, who is just well incredible! She, among other things, speaks five languages, drinks really good wine and has a killer accent. She made me laugh so much, which really made everything so comfortable. I will admit that I had felt anxious about staying with people I don't know, but she made everything super fun and we talked about music, languages, life, the arts, politics. Her music library is unbelievable and I don't know that I have met anyone so aware of other places and cultures as much as she is. We went out for authentic Balti Indian...bon apetit, then had a glass of really good wine and listened to albums I was drooling to hear! So we basically just had girls night every night because her husband was out of town. Pippa knows Corinne Bailey Rae and all sorts of other famous people. Oh and her cat, Taffy, is absolute fun. It has been such a lovely, perfect time so far.

Birmingham is the second largest city in Great Britain. It holds one of the most diverse populations in Europe.

God has just taken care of me traveling by myself and getting on and off the right trains in safety. Even more, it has been such a joy to be around these people. I have truly already learned so many new things. I am learning to be even stronger in the Lord, trusting in Him and therefore adding strength to my own self. My point in all of this going around by myself is to gt outside of my typical comforts and learn how to do things REALLY on my own. It's such a great challenge and my character is getting stronger; I can already feel it and I am not even being immersed in French everything yet! I thought I was independent, but after this summer and so many of my weaknesses became so apparent, I have begun to try and fix some of those things that I don't trust about myself. I plan to defy gravity this time, knowing that I will be flying and falling, but at least I will get off the ground every once in a while. The falling isn't bad because I have my Foundation.
Well, I am off to visit Warwick Castle tomorrow for a day. Many pictures to come. I am headed to Bath tomorrow night to stay in B&B for a few days. Thus continues adventures in Austen land. Can't wait!

p.s. I am sorry about the butchering of the English language in these ramblings, but I have to type fast and carelessly in order to get it all out!

Worms Head

2008-08-20T09:46:00.000-04:00

Today was Wuthering Heights day. Mr. Rick and Mrs. Mary drove me out to Worms Head in Swansea to see the view. The drive was beautiful, though the roads are so narrow. By narrow, I mean that the white lines often end, meaning that only one car can fit, meaning that I freaked out a little. However, Mr. Miller is such a fantastic driver that it ended up being really fun. We got out to Worms Head and my Jane Austen fantasy world began to unfold before my eyes. With the vast, grey ocean spread out before me like a feast for my eyes, ever looking over it, but never having my fill. The velvet green, massive cliffs were the dessert of the whole thing. With the rain and let me record here, sleet, yes sleet in August pouring over us and the thick fog blanketing the giant rocks, I couldn't have asked for a better scene. It was very cold, probably low 50s, but it was all just eye candy, no time to think about inclement weather. After being soaked to the bone, we headed for a pub to get a coffee. I have been needing a latte for days, so this was perfect. We sat overlooking the sea in quiet admiration of God's designing so many delights for the eye and soul.
We came back for lunch. The people who work at the Bible College of Wales here, all eat together. I have never experienced such community. Everyone eats together, washes dishes together everyday. This adorable old man whom I had the pleasure of meeting, just melted my heart with his "oh lovely, lovely!"s and his pure gentility. We spoke a bit of French and I just fell in love with his manner and his story. Mrs. Mary told me that He waited to marry the woman he loved for 30 years. They both lived here and had declared to keep their vow of celibacy until someone told them that they could marry. They both kept their promise, working together in love with each other for 30 years until a new director came to the school. They got married in their 60s I believe and never go anywhere without holding hands. So sweet.
That's it for now. I am just working on my itinerary for the rest of the time. It sounds perfect.

Lesson 2: For once in my life I need to wear more clothes, it's cold!!

2008-08-19T17:20:00.000-04:00

I can't post a ton of pics on here, but check my facebook for full albums if you wish!

Swansea, Wales

2008-08-19T16:18:00.000-04:00

Trek to Swansea

2008-08-19T11:27:00.000-04:00

Today I was glad to get off of my flight at the London-Heathrow Airport. I had to sit next to a middle-aged man who kept telling me that he could "extract poetry from my eyes" and other annoying nonsense for eight hours. Basically, I pretended that I was asleep almost the entire time so he wouldn't talk to me and I wouldn't have to look at him. All this to say that my flight would have been perfect, but my delusion of a pleasant flying experience this time, was quickly destroyed. I got off of the plane at 5:05 London time, 11:05 Central time, mind you so the jet lag began to set in as I had to make my way through customs and onto two different trains. Customs was horrific; I almost didn't make it through because I purposefully forgot to put the address of my destination; big mistake. Being bleary-eyed and completely disoriented, I surprisingly just stared him down while he railed on me about how stupid I was to forget this information. I didn't get upset but I just gave him an alternative and he angrily put me through. Then I cried a tear or two when I was safely out of view.

The next challenge was to get on and off of the Heathrow Express in one piece. I have been carrying two big suitcases, a big backpack and my messenger bag. I am a bit petite in size so there was a lot of swaying and such that went on. I felt pretty ridiculous. However, my one success of the day was that I even told a British guy which platform he needed to get on for the Heathrow Express to Paddington. I was proud. This temporary high was brought down by my getting on the wrong end of the train to Swansea, Wales and having to drag all of my bags through the train to the back while the thing was moving. I felt so UN-chic with everyone around me in scarves and leather briefcases and there I was tripping don the first class aisle bumping the elbows of tailored shirts. "Pooh, pooh" I said to quote my lifetime heroine, Madeline, and set my self down for another three hour journey. All worked out well. I played Harry Potter in the train. It was just like I had imagined the Welsh countryside. It was gray clouds laden with rain, chilling, damp wind and David Gray playing on my IPOD that brought to life the painting I had always conjured in my head of England.

I am jet-lagged for sure now and ready to sleep. The rain never stops in Swansea supposedly, but I got to walk out to the sea today and it was beautiful; from a dream really. Pictures to come of Swansea. I plan to feel better tomorrow and explore, explore to my little heart's content!

2008-08-17T15:39:00.000-04:00

"How can I convince you it's me I don't like
And not be so indifferent to the look in your eyes
When I've always been distant
And I've always told lies for love

I'm bound by these choices so hard to make
I'm bound by the feeling so easy to fake
None of this is real enough to take me from you

Oh I've got reservations
About so many things
But not about you

I know this isn't what you were wanting me to say
How can I get closer and be further away
From the truth that proves it's beautiful to lie

I've got reservations
About so many things
But not about you
I've reservations
About so many things
But not about you
Not about you
Not about you
Not about you
It's not about you"

Wilco

2008-08-08T01:19:00.000-04:00

"Did you believe it,
when they told you they discovered you?
And that everything is free,
as long as you do what they tell you to.
You think it's true?

But nothing could be farther from the truth,
my love.

Did you even listen,
When they told you to change your name?
And that nobody wants honesty when looking at a perfect frame
play the game.

Nothing could be further from the truth,
my love..
And nothing is more powerful than beauty in a wicked world.
Play it girl,
play it girl,
play it girl.

Does it make you feel good,
when they tell you what you want to hear?
And after they suck all your soul,
well that's when they'll disappear.
Disappear.
They disappear forever..

Like a prince in your little fairy tale.
And you will find,
one day you put your soul on sale..

Nothing could be further from the truth,
my love..
And nothing is more powerful than beauty in a wicked world."

Amos Lee

2008-04-26T16:30:00.000-04:00

I thought that this song by Chris Thile was really interesting. Doubt can turn into disbelief.

"Doubting Thomas"

"What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me
Will I discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me

I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death
I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
Cause I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted

I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothin's safe
Oh me of little faith

[Thanks to slcs_iceangel@hotmail.com for these lyrics]
[Thanks to RoguesZone@Yahoo.com for correcting these lyrics]

[ www.azlyrics.com ]

Why I created a blog.

2007-12-01T09:43:00.000-05:00

I chose recently to create a blog for myself for three main reasons. The first reason being that my lovely mom has been sharing her genius with words through her blog and I wanted to join in on the fun. Also, I made a deal with my dear friend Barbara Phillips to make a blog for myself and she would in turn allow me to read her brilliant work. Finally, I did this so that when I study abroad in France, I will already have a means to relay what I experience and think while I am across the sea. So, here it goes.